After a conspicuous absence, the Smoking Musket Power Rankings are back and better than ever, much like Texas.
*Puts hands to ear* Oh.. well I am getting ahead of myself, aren’t I? Well, yeah, so we’re back baby.
And if you’re wondering, “what does a Lady Gaga lyric have to do with this?” Well besides being a part of the WVU family, that’s the vibes we’re feeling at the Smoking Musket right now about enjoying sports. It’s a good feeling. I am sure that sometime Saturday evening our vibes may be different. But for now, the vibes are good!
Some reminders for the new folks, these are totally objective, entirely scientific rankings that are based on a complex, mathematical formula that is proprietary to Smoking Musket. I have been sworn to secrecy on the actual formula, but I can tell you that vibes are heavily weighted.
- Kansas (4-0, 1-0): No you did not sim ahead to basketball season. It really is kind of unfair for them to be good in both, you know? But hey, it is what is. And seriously, after four weeks its hard to argue that Kansas isn’t legitimately in the conversation. My biggest question is can their defense do just enough against the Oklahomas? Iowa State provides a big test too, and coming off a rough second half at home versus Baylor, the Cyclones will up. Vibes: Immaculate.
- Oklahoma State (3-0): There’s actually some reasons to question Ok Lite’s place on this list and in the rankings: they let Central Michigan hang around, and didn’t look all that great against end-era Herm ASU. That changes this weekend, though, as the Cowboys head to Waco. Vibes: Snorting Pixie Sticks and Drinking Mountain Dew
- Baylor (3-1, 1-0): Another team I have a lot of conflicted feelings about — I mean, beyond my stance that this university should not exist, let alone get to have good sports teams. In their two games against actual football teams (sorry Albany and Texas State), the Bears haven’t exactly impressed. The BYU game, in particular, never looked that close. But again, they get Ok Lite after a week off, so.... Vibes: Sweating Preacher at a Strip Club
- Texas Tech (3-1, 1-0): Excellent work Raiders, no notes. Vibes: We’re taking shots and tossing tortillas.
- Kansas State (3-1. 1-0): What a sport! Two weeks ago, Kansas State looked like wet, hot butt against Tulane, but last week Adrian Martinez (yes, that Adrian Martinez) had what can only be described as one of the most cathartic performances of any player in at least two decades as he single-handedly willed the Cats to victory. Vibes: Steve Spurrier putting during spring drills.
- Oklahoma (3-1, 0-1): I am probably being a little harsh, and Kansas State has been a team to give the Sooners fits for years now, but I saw a lot of concerning things in that game. Oklahoma’s defense looked like old Oklahoma defense, while their offense didn’t have that same pop. I saw a lot of the same problems with it that they had last year, which had a much better QB at the helm. Vibes: Lincoln’s BBQ
- West Virginia (2-2, 0-1): It turns out that, actually, Kansas was a pretty dang good football team. This group has a lot of work to do, but rolling into Blacksburg and absolutely smashing the Hokies has got us tentatively back on the Climb. Vibes: Improving.
- TCU (3-0): I can’t put my finger on it, but just something about TCU seems off. I guess we’ll find out when they finally play an actual football team. Vibes: sus
- Iowa State (3-1, 0-1): This is solely for putting me through this year’s edition of El Assico. Vibes: Midwest Jello Salad, but with Sprite added.
- Texas (2-2, 0-1): I know what I am doing, I do. But like, stop thinking that Texas having A Good game against a team they spent the entire summer prepping for means much. The question about the Longhorns has never been about their talent. Good lord, they have more than they know what to do with — it’s how they use it. Also, Sark blowing a bunch of leads is just absolutely fucking perfect. Anyway, yes, right now, they’re the worst team in this conference. Vibes: HornsDown.aif
Sound off in the comments, but remember, these are empirical, completely objective rankings.