This -OR- That
Folks, we made it. We’re three days out from the game I’ve had circled on my calendar since Brad Paisley decided to wear a split West Virginia Mountaineers and Tennessee Volunteers jersey in his video for “Country Nation”. I’m fine with being a fan of both teams - hell, this blog is basically a FAU Owls blog on the side - but to not be able to pick between the two when it comes to something as important as shooting a music video that’s going to get over 6.5 million views, that’s just low. A fella by the name of Jesus had a little something to say about folks that just can’t decide which side of the fence they’re on:
“Every house divided against itself will not stand.”
Ok, so maybe that’s not exactly what he meant by that but it’s 2018 and we can interpret that however we want, apparently.
Speaking of folks that just can’t make their mind up, let’s talk about this whole “OR” debacle that has led #VolTwitter to believing Jeremy Pruitt is living rent free in Dana Holgorsen’s head.
If you aren’t caught up on that whole thing, Dana basically made a sarcastic joke about Tennessee not being able to outright name a starter at quarterback and listing Jarrett Guarantano -OR- Keller Chryst as the starter. This is something Holgorsen has done with his depth chart in nearly every season that he’s been at West Virginia, but this year when he was asked about why he did it he decided to poke the big, dumb bald bear in Knoxville.
Dana Holgorsen, on hiding true starters on the depth chart: "we 'OR'd them because Tennessee 'OR'd us first." Says team can only do it in the first week.— Chris Anderson (@CMAnderson247) August 27, 2018
Vols fans got so up in arms about the comment that Dana had to address a question about it in his press conference on Tuesday.
Dana Holgorsen on the "OR" freak out from #VolTwitter: "Tennessee could have put "OR" on every spot on the depth chart.... it absolutely did not affect anything."— Chris Anderson (@CMAnderson247) August 28, 2018
Now, you tell me who’s living in whose head rent free.
West Virginia: 41
Cast of Characters
A former Alabama receiver whose first game will be against an attempted clone of the defense he used to practice against in Tuscaloosa. Simmons is listed as the backup to David Sills, but you can expect to see them on the field together at least a few times on Saturday.
Sticking with the transfer theme, meet the Bionic Man. Bigelow transferred to West Virginia this past summer, after spending most of his undergrad career at Southern Cal sidelined with knee injuries. Bigelow has exploded onto the scene since coming to Morgantown, and solidified his spot as the starting nose tackle after just plowing through dudes in Fall camp.
Look at this man. Does this look like someone who gets shook easily?
Jarrett Guarantano was so good in Fall camp that head coach Jeremy Pruitt listed him as a co-starter with Keller Chryst. Jarrett threw four touchdowns last year, making him one of the best SEC quarterbacks according to #VolTwitter - who is not used to seeing actual offense played in the 21st century.
Jeremy Pruitt is attempting to play some four-dimensional chess by starting a true freshman at cornerback against the Heisman Trophy front-runner. Pruitt was quoted as saying Taylor will “usher in the new era of Vols defensive backs.” The only thing I see starting an inexperienced corner against a explosive passing attack ushering in is a new head coach in 3-4 years.
The master of the mind games, the most alpha of all alpha males. Pruitt was hatched in an incubator somewhere in rural Alabama, alongside Kirby Smart, as part of a rogue experiment by Alabama Crimson Tide boosters to ensure a succession plan when Nick Saban rises to power during The Tribulation. Has an aversion to asparagus.
Let's Have A Statsgasm
Elsewhere in the Big 12
FAU Owls vs. #5 Oklahoma Sooners
Think of this one as the appetizer while we’re waiting for the Belk College Kickoff to start in Charlotte. There’s enough story here for any West Virginia fan to buy in; the head coach that left the team we’ll be playing on Saturday high and dry after one season in Knoxville is teaming up with Clint Trickett to take on the team that has controlled the Big 12 for the last 9,001 years. FAU will probably die, let’s be honest, but if you can’t find it in yourself to cheer for the Owls against the Sooners, there’s no hope for you.
By The Smoking Musket Staff
Every week, the Smoking Musket staff will test out our sure to be less-than-stellar gambling skills, as we make picks in four categories: straight-up, against the spread, over/under, and a special prop bet to be determined each week.
We will each start with $500 in Musket Money™, and each bet will be worth $100. We will also be joined by a guest picker each week, all of whom will share the same initial $500 pot.
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Best Case/Worst Case
Jeremy Pruitt gets caught in his own web of lies and trots out every player listed as a starter at once. Unfortunately you are only allowed to play 11 on the field at one time and the Volunteers can’t figure out why Will Grier and David Sills keep crossing the goalline. Kenny Bigelow eats up blocks so much he gets renamed Rocky Top and the secondary feasts on the pressure provided by Jabril Robinson and Ezekiel Rose.
Tennessee replaces Jeremy Pruitt with Nick Saban before the game, shaving Nick’s head so no one is the wiser. This replacement convinces the Vols offensive line to play like ‘Bama and Tennessee controls the clock. Since the game is broadcast on CBS, announcers are forced to kill air time between 5 minute playclocks which means Mountaineer fans have to hear about Will Grier’s departure from the University of Florida and how David Sills V was recruited to play quarterback at Southern Cal for former Alabama Crimson Tide offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin.