Welcome to Hot Take Me Home, Country Roads, our new weekly feature breaking down the past week in Mountaineer sports in the only way that really matters: a long, tedious trek through a whole bunch of Facebook comments.

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Why am I like this?

IDENTIFICATION HAS BEEN REMOVED TO PROTECT THE STUPID

Any good, self respecting game week starts with the long awaited uniform reveal. Since the 2013 season, West Virginia’s variety of uniforms have provided the Mountaineer faithful with nothing but joy and happine—

Pick one uniform and quit spending all my tuition money on a different color scheme every week

He’s right, here. I know for a fact that my seven years of tuition to West Virginia University went directly to funding R&D on the digital camo baseball uniforms. I apologize for agreeing to those terms.

To rectify this grave injustice and waste of funds, I propose The Smoking Musket March for Tuition Reimbursement, where all those angered by use of tuition by Shane Lyons to develop uniform combinations can focus and unleash their anger.

We’ll do it at the Mountaineer Mall and I’ve even got a rallying cry.

Country Roads take the athletic department to the place where they belong blue and gold WV!

However, one giant point has been missed in all this uniform talk, and that’s the important fact that the West Virginia University Football Mountaineers have never won a road game in program history.

Have we ever won wearing white??

I suppose, at this point, it’s time to break down some hard hitting commentary as the game went on. As most expected, the game was a slow starter, and while there were some early missed opportunities, we were all pretty comfortable with a 10-7 deficit at halftime.

Well at least they tried. That’s what counts. Deserve to lose this game completely. No one wants to do anything.

You know, I’m actually slightly impressed with you insane monsters this week. This was a very entertaining—if slightly sloppy at times--opener against an old rival. A disappointing result, but one that showed a lot of promise for contention in the Big 12.
And on the whole, against all odds, Facebook (at least the parts I went through in the hour or two I spent doing this before I burnt out like a dumbass who opened the Ark of the Covenant) was....mostly rational?

I was disappointed to the point where I’m praying that ECU scores first on Saturday.

In game, there wasn’t much meltdown (probably because we lost all ability to function during this football game), and post game was more of the same. My little fanbase is growing up in front of my eyes.

So, for lack of a glut of content, it’s time to introduce

THE HOT TAKE ME HOME COUNTRY ROADS HOT TOP FIVE

NUMBER FIVE: “THE HOW DID THIS GUY HAVE HIS HEAD IN THE SAND FOR LITERALLY ALL SUMMER”

I hate Holgorsens play calling. Its every year since he’s been there. Incomplete pass on 1st down, 4 yard run on 2nd down, 50 yard bomb attempt on 3rd(if that doesn’t work) punt.....repeat.

NUMBER FOUR: “THE WILL GRIER NEEDS TO GET OFF MY LAWN”

looks unkept and isn’t at all the image WVU needs right now. Get a hair cut please

NUMBER THREE: “THE WELL, ACTUALLY”

well i don’t watch football but pretty sure I’m better than grier

NUMBER TWO: “THE RICH RODDDDDDDD”

Bring Rich Rod back as head coach, make Dana Offensive coordinator, and bribe Bub Foster or Alabama’s defensive coordinator to be at WVU. All I’m going to say about that.

NUMBER ONE: “THE WUT”

an dana screw it