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Sung to the tune of Metallica's Master of Puppets
For the uninitiated, HERE'S THE ORIGINAL
and HERE'S AN INSTRUMENTAL to sing along with.
End of clean shaved face, stubble takes its place
I'm your source for facial hair tips
All cut the same length, just like Samson's strength
Gives my punts even more flips
See me take the snap
Swing my leg like that
Dedicated to
Coffin kick for you
Return men scatter
Hang time master
Goal line blaster
Obey your Boomstache!
Boomstache!
Master of Punts the spiral of death.
Kicking your balls it's me that you dread.
Blinded by light, comes out of the sun
Signal a fair catch or you better run
Boomstache!
Boomstache!
Comes off my foot as fast as a gun
Boomstache!
Boomstache!
Mullets all around hanging to the ground
Piles of chumps in my (rear view) mirror
Sex monopoly, all my girls are free
Panties explode as I get nearer
Taste my leather death
Stealing all your breath
Dedicated to
Coffin kick for you
Return men scatter
Hang time master
Goal line blaster
Obey your Boomstache!
Boomstache!
Master of Punts the spiral of death.
Kicking your balls it's me that you dread.
Blinded by light, comes out of the sun
Signal a fair catch or you better run
Boomstache!
Boomstache!
Comes off my foot as fast as a gun
Boomstache!
Boomstache!
Boomstache, Boomstache, here's a special teams disaster
Boomstache, Boomstache, start on the one yard line
Laughter, Laughter, all I hear or see is laughter
Laughter, Laughter, laughing at your cries
Endzone shadows you, nothing you can do
I'm the bane of your existence.
Never ending bombs, dropping all day long
It's so futile, your resistance
I will bring the boom
leaving you no room
all you can run is draws
You get no applause
Return men scatter
Hang time master
Goal line blaster
Obey your Boomstache!
Boomstache!
Master of Punts the spiral of death.
Kicking your balls it's me that you dread.
Blinded by light, comes out of the sun
signal a fair catch or you better run
Boomstache!
Boomstache!
Comes off my foot as fast as a gun
Boomstache!
Boomstache!
HUAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Can't forget the drummer: