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The Weird Science Of WVU Quarterbacks

Building the perfect quarterback isn't an exact science at West Virginia.


Scene: A lab deep in the basement of the WVU football facilities. Dana Holgorsen and Shannon Dawson work to build the perfect WVU quarterback.

Holgo_mediumYou know Shannon we've never really been in a situation where we didn't have a quality quarterback to send out there. So I thought we'd come down to the secret lab and fire up the Google machine to see if we can't make something happen.

Dawson_mediumOkay, let's identify some qualities the perfect quarterback for our system would have. "Four Verts" tattoo on their chest?

Holgo_medium Shit yeah!

Dawson_medium A taste for the Red Bull?

Holgo_medium Pffft! Natch!

Dawson_medium Can read coverage, knows the signals, and is able to audible into the right play.

Holgo_medium Check, check, check! Alright, let's hit the magic button and see if this works!


Dawson_medium Turn it off! Turn it off!!!!

Holgo_medium Alright, let's try this again.

Dawson_medium Okay "Four Verts" tattoo, loves the Red Bull, and you know what, we need a big arm on our quarterback.

Holgo_medium Roger that!

Dawson_medium We need a tall guy that can see the field.

Holgo_medium Couldn't agree more. Also, I don't wanna be the only guy around here with a mullet.

Dawson_medium Well, okay coach. If you think it will help...

Holgo_medium Clickity click on the keyboard and...


Dawson_medium Turn it off! Turn it off!!!

Holgo_medium You sure? I really like that one.

Dawson_medium Me too coach. But it's too soon.

Holgo_medium Okay then, back to the drawing board.

Dawson_medium "Four Verts" tattoo, loves the Red Bull, and moves around well in the pocket.

Holgo_medium Yeah, we need someone that can avoid the rush this year.

Dawson_mediumA coach's son?

Holgo_medium Sure, that's always a plus. Mullet?

Dawson_medium Look coach, how bout we go with "Loves West Virginia"? He'll have at least a 50/50 shot at a mullet. I gotta know, though. What's wrong with Eger's hair? Isn't that good enough for you?

Holgo_medium Doesn't count. Looks too much like a Viking.

Dawson_medium Wait. What? I don't even know what that means.

Holgo_medium You know Nordic folk. Fuzzy britches. Horned helmets. Vikings!

Dawson_medium Yeah yeah, I know. Just hit the damn button.


Holgo_medium Well, it could be worse.

Dawson_medium Yeah, let's go with this one. Say Dana, can we take these stupid things off our heads now?

Holgo_medium No, we've got one more project to finish tonight. But it's going to be all fun. I promise. Now grab that stack of Playboys.