Scene: A lab deep in the basement of the WVU football facilities. Dana Holgorsen and Shannon Dawson work to build the perfect WVU quarterback.
You know Shannon we've never really been in a situation where we didn't have a quality quarterback to send out there. So I thought we'd come down to the secret lab and fire up the Google machine to see if we can't make something happen.
Okay, let's identify some qualities the perfect quarterback for our system would have. "Four Verts" tattoo on their chest?
Shit yeah!
A taste for the Red Bull?
Pffft! Natch!
Can read coverage, knows the signals, and is able to audible into the right play.
Check, check, check! Alright, let's hit the magic button and see if this works!
Turn it off! Turn it off!!!!
Alright, let's try this again.
Okay "Four Verts" tattoo, loves the Red Bull, and you know what, we need a big arm on our quarterback.
Roger that!
We need a tall guy that can see the field.
Couldn't agree more. Also, I don't wanna be the only guy around here with a mullet.
Well, okay coach. If you think it will help...
Clickity click on the keyboard and...
Turn it off! Turn it off!!!
You sure? I really like that one.
Me too coach. But it's too soon.
Okay then, back to the drawing board.
"Four Verts" tattoo, loves the Red Bull, and moves around well in the pocket.
Yeah, we need someone that can avoid the rush this year.
A coach's son?
Sure, that's always a plus. Mullet?
Look coach, how bout we go with "Loves West Virginia"? He'll have at least a 50/50 shot at a mullet. I gotta know, though. What's wrong with Eger's hair? Isn't that good enough for you?
Doesn't count. Looks too much like a Viking.
Wait. What? I don't even know what that means.
You know Nordic folk. Fuzzy britches. Horned helmets. Vikings!
Yeah yeah, I know. Just hit the damn button.
Well, it could be worse.
Yeah, let's go with this one. Say Dana, can we take these stupid things off our heads now?
No, we've got one more project to finish tonight. But it's going to be all fun. I promise. Now grab that stack of Playboys.