It's been a while since our last reader mailbag, but when you've got #2 coming into your place, and it is the first-ever College Gameday as a part of the festivities, you know some amusements have been coming in via email. Let's get straight to them! And be sure to add any of yours in the comments...
Do you guys happen to have the contact info for ACC commissioner John Swofford? I read back in 2003 that he instigated a bunch of conference realignment and I wanted to see if he could give me some pointers. It looks like I might need to make some calls.
Sincerely,
John Marinatto
_________________________
Dear Smoking Musket,
Dave Gavitt, founder of the Big East, passed away last Friday. Thanks for the memories. We're outta here.
Not Yours Anymore,
Syracuse and Pitt
__________________________
Dear Smoking Musket,
We know that this inquiry has been made in a thread on your blog, but it is a requirement of SEC membership that you know how to say "Appalachia." You better be a "latch" and not a "lay." Further, y'all have to use "y'all," the plural of which is "all y'all." If you order an iced tea in a restaurant, your server must not ask you "Sweet or Unsweet," because we all know what the answer to the question is if you're Southern. Lastly, if you are permitted to join our darling Southeastern Conference, you must not disparage the great state of Mississippi for its failure to ratify the 13th Amendment until 1995. We take our time down here in the South.
Waiting For You,
The Daughters of the Confederacy
____________________________
Dear Smoking Musket,
We think you'd be a great addishun to our conference. Yer just like us - you got way more fans than graduates.
Yers Truely,
The SEC
_____________________________
Dear Smoking Musket,
I knew I shouldn't have retired.
Sincerely, sincerely,
Mike Tranghese
_____________________________
Dear Smoking Musket,
Please don't let this out of the bag, but we have way more trailers than you do, so don't take it personally if our drunken, sunburned fans rib you about your trailers. Also, our colors are known to cause seizures.
Just a Heads Up,
J. Bernard Machen
President, University of Florida
______________________________
Dear Smoking Musket,
All y'all glad you ain't gonna see me this Saturday?
Signed,
______________________________
Hey SM,
We were willing to sign the Big East to a new long term TV deal last year, but John Marinatto wanted to wait for the chance at a better deal this year. We don't have his address, and we were just wondering where to send the Christmas card? Can you help.
Good luck with that next TV deal,
George W. Bodenheimer
President, ESPN
_______________________________
Dear Smoking Musket,
Do you guys know where I can get a legit coonskin cap?
Love your gun,
Lee Corso
_______________________________
Dear SM,
Is there anywhere in Mo'town where I can get a legit massage?
Feeling tight, and really love your gun,
Kirk Herbstreit
_______________________________
Hey Smusketeers,
Do you guys know where I can get some legit Peach Brandy shine?
Yours, but not really, but, hey....nice gun,
Erin Andrews
________________________________
Dear Smoking Musket,
Have I been back in West Virginia since Scholastic Sports America. Damn, I feel old. But I still look good, and I don't stutter. Geno Smith might be a Heisman candidate, so I promise not to mention it. Tennessee still hasn't forgiven me for Charles Woodson over Peyton Manning....
Smooth as ever,
Chris Fowler
_________________________________