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The Smoking Musket's Take On WVU's "High Five Rules"

Yesterday, Oliver Luck, in conjunction with announcing which beers would be available at Mountaineer Field, also presented this:

[image via]

While we fully support WVU's Director of Athletics, Oliver Luck, and the University in their endeavors to make the game day atmosphere in Morgantown the best it can be, we felt these five rules could use some further explanation and/or expanding upon. We also developed The Smoking Musket's Low Five Rules of the Game as an addendum to this list:

1. No excessive drinking - intoxicated fans are not allowed inside or outside the stadium.

  • Define "excessive"
  • (a la George Carlin) If not allowed inside or outside, where? Under? On?
  • Because puking in the stands is never cool
  • There's a concept called post-game tailgating, explore it

2. No foul or abusive language.

  • They're Marshall/Pitt fans. They already know you don't like them.
  • Insulting someone because of their inferior team is just bad style. Not everyone has what it takes to be a Mountaineer.

3. No smoking in the seating or concourse areas.

  • How the hell are you going to get the couch into the stadium to begin with?
  • If someone is on fire, for the love of God, put them out.

4. No throwing stuff (anything) onto the field.

  • If your arm is that good, you can try out as a walk-on Monday night, Holgorsen can use the extra arms in practice.
  • Unless they deserve it and you have impeccable aim (the ones you really want to hit sit in Section 101 anyway)

5. No ignoring of the instructions of Event/Security personnel.

  • The semi-cute girl in the yellow jacket is a trained professional, she will tase you bro.


We also didn't feel that five rules is enough for the complete game day experience in Morgantown, we therefore present:

The Smoking Musket's Low Five Rules

  • Despite the uncontrollable urge, do not storm the field after beating an opponent WVU is favored over. We're looking straight at you, students (after last year’s basketball season, we can totally see you just itching to celebrate on the turf after Norfolk State).
  • If you feel the urge to tell someone in front of you to sit down, stand up.
  • You don't need to wait on Travis Jones to announce "Itttttttt's Third Down" to make noise. Make the place a living hell for the opponent on every down.
  • Leaving the game at halftime or the middle of the 3rd quarter is not cool. The excuse of a boring offense to watch is now removed so don't replace it with "Who wants to watch a blowout?" You only get 6 or 7 home games a year to enjoy the team live in Morgantown for 3-4 hours at a clip.
  • You can make the visiting opponents and their fans intimidated without making them feel unsafe. Anyone who traveled to Auburn will tell you how loud and intimidating that place was, yet the fans were accommodating and welcoming to the Mountaineer faithful.

Please feel free to further these lists in the comments below, snark and/or serious suggestions are all welcome.