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The Smoking Musket's Guide to Off Season Conditioning (And Debauchery)

It's a long off season and we've certainly had (more than) our share of drama this year. But now that the dust has settled, it's time to start thinking about getting our game faces on. I mean, camp starts in a little over a month and the season starts a month after that. I don't know about anyone else, but I want to know that I did everything in my power to be in mid-season form by the time the season kicks off. With that in mind, The Smoking Musket suggests you use the following as a guide to prepare yourself to be the best Mountaineer fan you can be this season.


Like every other muscle in your body, those vocal chords need a good workout every day. But you don't want to risk injury right off the bat. So you'll need to work you way up to it over the next two months. There's a Marshall fan that lives on my street. So what I do this time of year is catch them as they are driving to work and just give a little boo as they drive by. As the weeks go on, the boos get louder and louder until I feel confident they know I don't like them or their school.

With our new offense, we strongly recommend you practice the first down cheer until you can do it in your sleep. My Marshall neighbors come in handy for this as well. After you clap, just point in the opposite direction they are going. You may not have a Marshall fan in your neighborhood, so just make due with what you have. If, however, all you have are Mountaineer fans, you can practice the Let's Go chant with someone across the street. Don't be afraid to get your neighbors involved! They need this as much as you do.


This is a must for many reasons. First off, you don't want to be the guy or gal that passes out after the first quarter. You know who your friends are and you know how they drink. Don't be the weak link! Secondly, you want to remember just enough that you can say with conviction many years from now that you were there when we beat LSU. A low tolerance just won't let you do this. Third, you just don't know how things are going to play out. You may have to join someone's tailgate when your supplies run out. You have to be ready to switch from beer to brown liquor at the drop of a dime. Adrenalin won't always carry you through. You need training and practice to make this work.

In order to get ready for this you need to train your body to accept alcohol on a Saturday morning as if you were tailgating for a noon kickoff. Remember to mix it up and try different varieties so you don't shock your body on September 4th. As always, build up to it. You don't have to be in game shape on August 2nd. You just need to be a little closer than you were on August 1st. Most importantly, if you're drinking, don't drive. And if you're driving, don't drink. This way we all win.



Wearing gold is always a good option. But if you want to stand out and be a leader in whatever section you sit in, may we suggest the Jeremiah Johnson look? It's a look that says, I'm hear to skin a Buffalo or whatever livestock your team may choose as their mascot. It also says, that's not water in my deer skin canteen.


Maybe you''re looking for something a little more sophisticated. In that case, you can't go wrong with the string tie/suspenders/arm band look. All with requisite flying WV decals, of course. It turns any old gold and blue shirt and slacks combination into pure gold.


Lastly, if you want to mean business -- I mean really mean business -- there's no other choice but this fine combo of sports coat and slacks. You could be the envy of every Mountaineer fan in a business meeting 30 minutes before kickoff and the envy of every fan at Mountaineer Field all afternoon without even breaking a sweat.

We don't claim to be the authority on all things conditioning. So please add your helpful tips in the comments below and make this a better Mountaineer nation.