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The Smoking Musket Mailbag, Inaugural Edition

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We don't get nearly as much email as we would like, but we would like that to change. Hence, we are introducing a new feature here at The Musket, wherein we shall post interesting emails we have received so that they may spark chuckles, or indignation, but at the very least: conversation.

Read on for some of our most-recently received items.

Dear Smoking Musket,

Why don't you guys just say what you mean? Why do you have to be all...sarcasm-y? Don't you know that a lot of us don't get that?

Sincerely,
Bill Stewart
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Dear Smoking Musket,

We were able to delay it for a day in the hopes that it might help our numbers, but unfortunately circumstances were beyond our control.

Sincerely,
The Michigan Unemployment Office
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Dear Smoking Musket,

I never liked you guys.

Sincerely,
Jeff Mullen
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Dear Smoking Musket,

If you were a horrible athletic director at an inner-city school with tragically ugly uniforms and an apathetic fan-base and you were looking for a new head coach, who would you hire?

Thanks for the help,
Steve Pederson
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(Printed as received)

Musketeers,

why do you all make so much fun of me when all i have ever wanted is to be your friend so what if you don't like me i get paid for what i do and you guys don't and i get to sit in the pressbox and eat hmm hungry ask me if i want a big mac and so what if Marshall has never beaten West Virginia you just keep calling down the thunder because i am going still going to be in that pressbox and i am still going to come down on that sideline in my white suit and celebrate when we i mean Marshall finally beats WVU that will be a grand day and i can go up to that Ollie of yours and tell him to SUCK IT! but really why can't we be friends i am a somebody in huntington you know really can we be friends can we just end all the animosity hungry big mac big mac BIG MAC!

Kiss Off,
Chuck Landon
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Dear Smoking Musket,

I hear you are looking for more content for your site. I am currently out of work and would love to chip in. May I present you with a writing sample? If so, would diary entries be acceptable?

Sincerely,
Steve Kragthorpe
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Dear Smoking Musket,

I have been a loyal reader of your blog since the days of West By God Virginia. I feel that type of loyalty should be handsomely rewarded. Do you have any Smoking Musket Brand soaps, perfumes, candles, or body wash that you could send me as a token of your appreciation for me?

Yours,
Karen in Morgantown

P.S. I would also happily accept a bottle of barbecue sauce, if you make one.

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Dear Assholes,

You guys suck. We are not just objects for you to use in your silly male fantasies. We have brains, too.

Sincerely,
The Many Beautiful Women of Hump Day

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Dear Smoking Musket,

We have read with interest your interviews with Huntington celebrity Chuck Landon, and we were wondering why he has such a fixation with all things WVU and Oliver Luck, even though he covers Marshall, and likes to wear a white suit. Is it possible that he has a mental disorder?

Awaiting your timely response,
The Foundation For Undiagnosed Mental Disorders

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There you have it. Feel free to comment below, and if you desire more private responses, or have a question that you would like to ask, please email those staff members with addresses listed below.