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Book It: WVU Has No Chance Against LSU

Why this game is even on the schedule, I have no idea.  Just go ahead and mark it in the books: LSU big.  And I do mean big.

Why?  Well, that's easy: speed.  LSU and the SEC have a ton of it, and teams from the Big East have none of it.  It's not for you or me to decide, it's just how the world of college football works.

Think about it: how is West Virginia's Noel Devine going to run the ball against LSU's defense?  I'll quickly answer that question: he's not.  Sure, he might be fast for the cute little Big East -- but against a man's defense like the Tigers bring to the stadium?  Not so fast, my friend.  He may have been able to run the ball against slow poke teams like Oklahoma, [redacted SEC team], and [redacted SEC team], but he can't do that against the Bayou Bengals.  No sir.  He'll get eaten alive on the edge by LSU linebackers and safeties.

Same for those other "quick" midgets: Jock Sanders and Tavon Austin.  I'm even a little scared for those guys, as the big bad Tiger wrecking crew defense might hurt them both by halftime.  Then again, the game might be over before we get that far.  Considering everyone on LSU's defense runs a sub 4.4 forty, those little boys are going to be running for their dear lives.  Why Bill Stewart would subject to them to such punishment, I'll never know.

And this Geno Smith I have been hearing so much about?  Pffft.  I hear LSU just offered him a scholarship out of pity.  That sophomore will be so intimidated by Death Valley that he may just pee himself upon walking out of the tunnel.  If he even gets that far.  In fact, I have it on good accord that LSU is 123-0 against QBs that were offered by the Tigers but went to other schools.  Surely, that goes to 124-0 on Saturday night.  Hell, LSU might beat them so bad that it could count as two wins.  Maybe three, who knows.

It's just yet another example of the SEC flexing its muscles against a slow, sloppy team from the Big East -- and West Virginia, no less.  In no way, shape or form can some team nicknamed the Mountaineers prevail over a team with the illustrious history and pedigree as the LSU Tigers.  It just can't happen.  Come Saturday, I expect a rude education in SEC speed for the lowly mountain men of the Big East.   In fact, get ready to be so humiliated this weekend, even your sister won't sleep with you.  Burn.

Just think, if the SEC can beat those chumps from the Big 11 every year (and every other conference), then a lowly Big East team is surely no match. My pappy taught me that the Bible says somehwere that God created the SEC on the 8th day.  It's probably in the book of, "Cannon." You know, as in Billy Cannon, Heisman Trophy winner for the great LSU Tigers.  Does West Virginia have one of those?  Didn't think so.

As the Tigers run past them on each and every play, they'll wonder why they didn't heed my advice and just give up ahead of time.  In fact, the Tigers are undefeated in night games at Death Valley against teams that suck, and we all know non-SEC teams suck.  So remember, when the Mountaineers walk into Tiger Stadium on Saturday night, they need remember one fact, and one fact only: you can't spell speed without SEC.  Or something like that.

Geaux Tigers!