Note #1: Warning, this is Steve Kragthorpe's actual diary. We can't control the fact that he has a sailor's mouth and is misogynistic towards women. We can only love him for it.
Note #2: Previous, even less polished editions of The Kragthorpe Diaries can be found here (I), here (II), over here (III), and even right here (IV).
Another day, another diary entry. And once again, The Krag is fucking stoked. Ha, you thought he was going to say he was fucked, didn't you? Well you're shit-stick out of luck skippy, because The Krag is getting things done.
Sure, The Krag is 9th on the Coaches Hot Seat Ranking. And yeah, The Krag is 14-16 in his career at Louisville. You know what else? The Krag don't give a shit. The Krag is as good as fired, so he is going to live life, take the buyout, and do what The Krag does best: get high and fuck.
Have you seen his Kragrection? Because the ladies have. The Krag even went to Utah and ran some Mormon tail. Shit was hot, what with their bonnets. long dresses, and esoteric views on marriage and religion. Had a sixsome just to feel like he was on Big Love. He bets when you type, sixsome comes up as a misspelled word. Not on The Krag's computer. The Krag's spell-check knows what's up. It knows all kinds of awesome words: Kragasm, Kragjob, even Kragellatio if The Krag is trying to class it up a bit. It even has a Kragthaurus.
But it's not all roses and crystal meth for The Krag. His main man, his partner-in-crime, his comrade-in-fuck Ricky P is in some shit. Last time he checked, there was nothing illegal about having sex in a restaurant. Especially one that's not even open at the time. Hell, The Krag bent a mom over Whack-a-Mole at a Tulsa-area Chuck E. Cheese at her six-year old's birthday party. When he got done planting his Kragseed, the kids gave him a standing ovation and then we all ate cookie cake. The whole damn thing brought a tear to The Krag's eye. Something else brought a tear to the mom's eye, if you know what The Krag is saying. Oh yeah, Krag-five!
So, that's The Krag's life these days. Hashish, fucking, and trying to look like he's not stoned on the sidelines. Instead of giving halftime speeches, The Krag is getting blown by cheerleaders. Fuck the players, The Krag needs to be motivated when he comes out for the second half, because you never know when it's going to be his last.