Syracuse and Northwestern open their respective seasons this Saturday, playing a game that could end the very existence of college football. Here is a list of things I would rather do than watch that game, as if the post title wasn't descriptive enough:
- Have sex with the girl on the right.
- Colonoscopy.
- Help Rich Rodriguez move.
- Accept Dave Wannstedt's invitation for a mustache ride.
- Watch Ohio @ Wyoming.
- Actually care what MGoBlog has to say about Mountaineer football.
- Extra colonoscopy, just for fun.
- Naked pillow fight with Pam Ward.
- Let Pat McAfee kick me in the nuts.
- Watch Illinois State @ Marshall.
- Drive Rich Rodriguez to the airport.
- Intentionally expose myself to harmful carcinogens (though, it could be argued that Syracuse vs. Northwestern is a harmful carcinogen).
- Not have sex with Erin Andrews.
- Watch James Madison @ Duke.
- Water Rich Rodriguez's plants while he's on the road.
- Third colonoscopy, this time without any anesthetic.
- Enroll in classes at Pitt.
- Dry hump a 2x4 full of splinters.
- Commit seppuku, a Japanese form of ritualistic suicide by disembowelment.
- Attend a NAMBLA meeting.
- Poke my own eye out with my 1998 Insight Bowl commemorative lapel pin.
- Masturbate to Brazilian fart porn.
Please, feel free to add your own in the comments.