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Unintentional Comedy Hour

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All one really needs to do for a quick chuckle is simply look at Marshall beat writer Doug Smock's picture. That picture is hung on the ceiling over my bed so the girls I trick into sleeping with me know that they could've done worse. However, after I give them my O face they realize Mr. Smock would've been the better choice.

Ol'Dougies looks can be mocked but I'm a nice guy so I will not do that anymore. Instead let's take a look at his Monday column in the Charleston Gazette.

So let's take a stab at an issue today - Marshall's 2008 football schedule. Is it, as some would assert, too tough to handle?

Alright, after this he has write that Moo U actually has a chance to beat WVU, Wisconsin, and Cincinnati to give the alumni some glimmer of hope for the upcoming season.

The question is legitimate: Should Marshall be loading up on Wisconsin, West Virginia and Cincinnati in the same year?

See, I told you he was going to rally the faithful. I almost stopped reading but something in my gut told me to read on and I did.

Three of the first four games will determine what kind of season Marshall will have, and Wisconsin isn't one of them.

Wait a second. Either that is a misprint or Mr. Smock is high off all the product he uses on that awesome stache. I say this because excluding Wisconsin from Marshall's first four games only leaves Illinois State, Memphis and Souther Miss. He can't actually think those are the games that make Marshall's schdule "too tough to handle"? Or can he?

The opener against Illinois State takes on more importance than most games against teams from the Football Championship Subdivision. And if you don't believe that, you should have been in the Shewey Building after New Hampshire laid that 48-35 pasting on the Herd last year.

Oh snap, he just did it and I just LOL'd in my pants. This is how far Marshall has fallen. They know they have no chance against the big boys and now have to seriously worry about losing to a FCS team that went 4-7 last year.

Don't think I'm going to move on without touching on the fact that Marshall lost to an FCS team last year at home. I want to compare it with getting herpes after tongue kissing the fat girl at the bar because losing to an FCS team, at home, is way worse than that. (Just ask Michigan) Alright, alright I'll move on...

Not that the Redbirds are going to come in on Aug. 30, pick up the check and curtsy to the crowd.

You're right that is what Marshall will do Sept. 27 at Mountaineer Field.

ISU will have some of its skill players back, particularly running back Geno Blow. Blow had five consecutive 100-yard games before his season ended with a hand injury.

Captain Smock are you sure it was a "hand injury" and not severe nostril inflammation from all the "Blow" the kid snorted. If anyone knows about Cokeheads it is Marshall...


I won't bore you anymore with Smock Doggy Doggys analysis of C-USA foes Memphis and Southern Miss. But let me leave you with a couple sentences that make me laugh until I cry tears of joy because it shows how bad Marshall football has become.

The Herd must win two of the three games I am highlighting, with a strong showing at Southern Miss - or at least stronger than the 42-7 debacle of 2006. Do that and the Herd will carry enough momentum into the WVU-Cincinnati stretch to play credibly, perhaps even steal a game.

Again, it shows that Marshall is giving up hope of competing with BCS caliber teams. A win for THE Junior College of West Virginia would be to "play credibly." Hoping to "steal a game" against tough competition is just plain pitiful. They should probably go back to the days where they paid players $25 an hour to sweep the floors. At least they won a few games back in those days.