You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this:
Don't ever tell me what I am thinking. If you turn out to be right, it just annoys the shit out of me. If you're wrong, like this gentleman is, you make me want to punch you straight in the throat.
We're already off to a rising start with this amazingly clever title. Tell me, Dickens, just how do you do it?
Back in Morgantown, they're still writing columns about the one that got away. They're forcing Rita Rodriguez to speak up and remind the locals of where they were and where they are, and why they ought to be proud of, rather than revile, her husband. All the while, Michigan fans continue to smile.
No. No No No No No. No.
Trust me, no one is forcing Rita Rodriguez to speak. To be honest, we'd be glad if Rita Rodriguez just went away. Forever.
And why are Michigan fans smiling? They don't have a QB, their offensive line is quitting because they hate the coaching staff, and they're holding their spring game at a high school stadium. If you replaced "continue to smile" with "search for the cyanide pills," you might be a little closer.
No, Michigan fans are smiling because they have what somebody else wanted – badly. Take the head football coaches out of Navy, Ohio U. and UTEP, put them in Ann Arbor, and nobody's wailing – except for Michigan football fans, that is. No matter how good the new boss turned out to be, he wasn't a smokin' hot commodity at the time of purchase.
Rich Rodriguez is precisely that – and West Virginia fans know it. Sure, they're still steamed about Pitt, and murmuring to each other in the evening chill around the still that Michigan now has a coach on a losing streak. But they know. And they ache.
When I ache, I take Ben Gay. Usually, it happens after I play basketball or fall off my roof. But I certainly don't ache about how a coach with a playbook more predictable than the sunrise left my school.
The same thing happened in basketball, before Prof. Bob Huggins came back home and took a John Beilein-recruited roster into the Sweet 16. You don't hear much from the Mountaineer basketball faithful anymore, except when it comes to the notion that they got the better end of the deal (check back in five years for a genuine assessment).
You're an idiot. We got the better end of the deal.
Deep down, those around West Virginia football know all too well what Rodriguez did for them. They know what he can do. They know what Calvin Magee, the other transplanted assistants, Mike Barwis, etc., can and will do in Ann Arbor.
You laud Calvin Magee now. But just wait until, in the Ohio State game, none of his playcalls get to the field. Just wait until Rodriguez vetoes every single imaginative play with the same boring nothingness. Then you'll see why we're not "aching."
That probability makes them sick, even while Wolverine watchers smile in anticipation. Michigan got what somebody else desperately wanted to have, what most programs ardently wished to attain.
It's not business as usual in the hiring process on State Street these days. How soon that affects business in The Big House remains to be seen, but they won't be hosting any Band Days to try and boost attendance in the meantime. And yes, the miserable in Morgantown will be adjusting the rabbit ears to catch Big Ten scores more than they ever have before.
I looked up "miserable in Morgantown" in the dictionary and this is what I found:
- Fiesta Bowl Champions
- NCAA Sweet 16
- Top WR recruit in the country (along with #21 QB)
- Pat White and Noel Devine
- The PRT
How will we ever get through life?