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We Know Who Wins The Fiesta Bowl

It's difficult to write a game preview for a game as marquee as this one, considering everyone from ESPN to your uncle Ricky has previewed the games themselves. And chances are, uncle Ricky's effort makes twice as much sense as ESPN's. So we're going to take a little different tack when looking at this game.

We're going to do this from a completely arbitrary standpoint. Who cares whether Oklahoma has a DT suspended or a CB hurt. Those things have nothing to do with the outcome of the game. What really matters is that Oklahoma had a then-record run of 2,212 performances on Broadway. That's tough to overcome.

The Participants

West Virginia__________Oklahoma

Advantage: West Virginia.

Admittance To The Union


35 is clearly better than 46, in all aspects. I can't even count to 46. Advantage: West Virginia.

Number of Panhandles


Though there's may be longer, we have more for the ladies to love. After the initial shock, they'll get used to it. Advantage: West Virginia.

Terrible Tragedy

2005 Louisville (Elite Eight), 2007 Pitt__________Trail of Tears

I know what you're thinking, "Trail of Tears ain't shit." Well, actually, it kind of was. Advantage: Oklahoma.

State Flag


You have to respect the 3rd graders who drew our flag managed to color inside the lines. Advantage: West Virginia.

Natural Resource of Choice


Coal is great, it keeps the lights on. But coal has never inspired a television show as great as the Beverly Hillbillies. Advantage: Oklahoma.

State Bird

Cardinal__________Scissor-tailed Flycatcher

What the fuck is a scissor-tailed flycatcher? Then again, the cardinal is pretty weak. Advantage: None


Yes, I'm cherry-picking here, but c'mon...look at front and center for Oklahoma. I wouldn't fuck her with 5th Year Senior's dick. Advantage: West Virginia.

Country Star(s)

Brad Paisley__________Garth Brooks, Toby Keith

I love Brad Paisley, but holy shit, Garth Brooks AND Toby Keith? That's too tough to overcome. Advantage: Oklahoma.

Movie Star

Jennifer Garner__________Brad Pitt

Jennifer Garner's hot -- and has woman parts -- but Brad Pitt's still dreamy. There's nothing gay about this... Advantage: Oklahoma.

OK, by my count, West Virginia wins, 5-4-1. That's an impressive victory for a 7 point underdog. I'm not sure how the tie will play into the final score, but then again, this is completely arbitrary, so let's just go with 35-27 WVU.

Sound good? Good.