Just to be clear, this is a complete and utter ripoff of a feature by the same name at Kissing Suzy Kolber. Usually, I would feel wary of up and copying a segment idea but, seeing as how I've been to hell and back this past weekend, fuck it. So, today, we look at the National Championship vs. the Fiesta Bowl. WHO YA GOT?
Contestants
BCS National Championship Game________Tostitos Fiesta Bowl
Location
New Orleans, Louisiana________Tempe Glendale, Arizona
Strengths
French Quarter, strip clubs, casinos________Near California
Weaknesses
Chlamydia, Ghonerhea, Syphillous________Retirement communities stocked full of old people on the highway to death
Opponent
Ohio State________Oklahoma
Opponent's Method of Driving
Slow in the fast lane________Tractor
Stadium
Dome formerly with a hole in its roof________Dome currently with a hole in its roof
Notable Celebrities
Aaron Neville, Ellen DeGeneres________Alice Cooper, Jena Jameson
My Happiness Level
Ecstatic________Suicidal