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MNC vs. Fiesta, WHO YA GOT?

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Just to be clear, this is a complete and utter ripoff of a feature by the same name at Kissing Suzy Kolber. Usually, I would feel wary of up and copying a segment idea but, seeing as how I've been to hell and back this past weekend, fuck it. So, today, we look at the National Championship vs. the Fiesta Bowl. WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

BCS National Championship Game________Tostitos Fiesta Bowl

Location

New Orleans, Louisiana________Tempe Glendale, Arizona

Strengths

French Quarter, strip clubs, casinos________Near California

Weaknesses

Chlamydia, Ghonerhea, Syphillous________Retirement communities stocked full of old people on the highway to death

Opponent

Ohio State________Oklahoma

Opponent's Method of Driving

Slow in the fast lane________Tractor

Stadium

Dome formerly with a hole in its roof________Dome currently with a hole in its roof

Notable Celebrities

Aaron Neville, Ellen DeGeneres________Alice Cooper, Jena Jameson

My Happiness Level

Ecstatic________Suicidal