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Ian Smith Is A Virgin

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This is Ian Smith. You see, Mr. Smith is president of the Oakland Zoo, which is apparently a good thing at Pitt. He was interviewed by the Post-Gazette on this thoughts about the upcoming Backyard Brawl. And of course, he did exactly what I expected him to do -- make fun of West Virginia. But that isn't all we found out...

"Look, no matter what, think about how depressing it is that after winning a football game and partying all night, you have to wake up and know you are still living in West Virginia," said Smith, a senior bio-engineering major and president of the Panthers' Petersen Events Center rowdy rooting section known as the Oakland Zoo. "I mean, what could be worse than that?"


Ian Smith comes off, at least in that quote, as a real hard-ass. Of course, from the picture, where he's rocking Green Day glasses, an orange shirt, and a sharpie, we know that's not the case. He's very obviously...a nerd. Probably a huge nerd. I'm guessing, between his bio-engineering degree and his duties at president of the Oakland Zoo, he hasn't had time to, you know, touch a woman. Ever.

But, of course, Mr. Smith has his Pitt fandom to keep him warm. Actually, it turns out, he's not that big of a fan:

Smith won't be at the game in Morgantown -- he said he'll be studying for finals.


Look, no matter what, think about how depressing it is that after winning a football game acing a test and partying all night playing dungeons and dragons all night, you have to wake up and know you are still living in West Virginia still lying next to your inflatable doll, which you named Stacy," said Smith West, a senior bio-engineering major and president of the Panthers' Petersen Events Center rowdy rooting section known as the Oakland Zoo graduate of West Virginia University and three-time fornicator. "I mean, what could be worse than that?"

[Post-Gazette]