PISCATAWAY -- Upset that their football team has been unable to locate the figurative corner, let alone turn it, Rutgers University Board of Trustees today decided to file a lawsuit against Google, Inc., the makers of popular internet map site Google Maps.

Robert L. Stevenson, the chair of the Board of Trustees for The State University of New Jersey, released a statement detailing the university's fruitless search for the "corner" in question.

Rutgers University is a fine institution of higher learning with a word-class geography program.  It is impossible to think, without the misleading and defective maps provided by the defendant, that this university's football program would not have not only found the corner, but turned it with gusto.  Since that has not happened, we had no choice but to file suit in federal court.

Rumors of the corner in question have been spreading across campus since the school started playing Big East football in 1991, but without any firm evidence.

"My roommate said his brother was hanging out with Schiano and Schiano said he saw it once," said Anthony Madia, sophomore from South Orange, New Jersey.  Madia, unconvinced of his roommate's story, resumed eating his pepper sandwich.

A former student, Class of 2008's George Izzo, swears he saw the corner in question on December 2, 2006.  "Yeah, I saw it, late late that night," Izzo explained.  "But, I was drunk as hell and just kind of forgot about it.  Like, what was I going to do with a corner, turn it myself?  So I went to White Castle instead."  Izzo searched the next day to see if the corner remained, but it had vanished.

The most popular areas searched by players, students, and faculty for the mythical corner are Rutgers Stadium, Hegeman Hall dormitory, Mountaineer Field, and Club Karma in Seaside Heights, NJ, all to no avail.

Later in the day, Stevenson was asked for comment leaving New York's federal courthouse.  His tone was decidedly less formal.  "First, they tell us it's right off the turnpike," said Stevenson, "but that wasn't true."  "So, there we are, driving all over the Garden State in a bus, wasting all this gas, and what do we find?  Nothing.  We've been all over the Big East with absolutely no results.  We almost went to Miami once, too, but for some reason that trip was canceled.  It's really been a waste of time, and Google needs to pay."

"Plus, Dudley [Rivers, Vice Chair of Board of Trustees] farted, so now we're dealing with that noise, too."

Rutgers is a fine institution of higher learning, the eighth oldest in America, with an endowment of well over $500 million.  It is regarded as a noted research institution, attracting some of the best postgraduate students and professors all over the world.

The Scarlet Knights, the nickname for Rutgers University athletics teams, also boasts a long and storied history.  Rutgers football, in fact, played the first collegiate football game ever, beating Princeton 6-4 in 1869.

All of this is well and good, but in this day of high-tech, modern recruiting, Rutgers felt they needed that extra push to appeal to the younger generations.  To accomplish this, they spent millions of dollars on putting together what has to be the most cutting-edge, persuasive recruiting video this modest author has ever seen.

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Yes, that's right, Rutgers sucks.

If you haven't been paying attention at home, someone at this site (cough, who?) has been calling this for months.  Don't believe me?  Maybe remember my conversation with Greg Schiano, or my constant ridiculing of their progress as a program, or even that one time where they're always rumored to leave the conference.  Hell, just earlier this week, I took Cincinnati to cover the points.  So, needless to day, my anti-Rutgers street cred is firmly establised.

Which is why I take issue at comments like this:

Who exactly did that stun?  Not anyone with any brains.  And certainly not anyone that didn't find themself so caught up in the national media's insane hype machine, which will needlessly have the Big East looking bad because of Rutgers' demise.

So, again, thanks Rutgers for proving me right.  Your abomination of a football program is a thorn in the sides of every other Big East team.  Not because you might win games, but because we have to listen constantly to hype that simply will never come true.

Now, please, go away.

As the proprieter of a world famous blog and locally famous bait and tackle shop, I get the chance to sit down and have a conversation with a lot of interesting individuals.  Today, I get the chance to interview Greg Schiano, head-coach of the Rugers Scarlet Knights.  Let's see what Greg had to say, shall we.

 Greg Schiano, thanks so much for joining us today.  It's a huge honor.

 No problem, Charley. It's my pleasure.

 Now, Greg, let me ask you: are you confident about your chances in the Big East this year?

 Absolutely.  Rutgers football is really turning the corner.

 You mean the corner you've been turning since you played in the first football game in 1869?

 Yes.

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In the mold of great business minds -- like MC Hammer and Jack Whittaker -- Rutgers continues to comically ramble down the path of stadium expansion.  Here's a brief timeline:

• Rutgers, based off its eventual "turning of the corner" in football, approves massive stadium expansion that will add over 10,000 seats, as well as new locker rooms, suites, and lounges.
• Construction cost increases and overruns greatly threaten project, especially daunting considering New Jersey's massive budget shortfall.
• Construction starts anyway.  Leaders quoted, "what the hell, let's do this!"
• Rutgers football continues to turn corner.  Leaders quoted, "this is the longest corner ever."
• Costs continue to soar, putting half-built project in doubt.  Some additions, like expensive lounges, are temporarily cancelled.
• Project must be completed, as ticket revenues are needed to pay off already built sections.
• Ticket sales, because it's still Rutgers football, are substantially lagging.  Leaders quoted, "Shit, why didn't anyone tell us this was for Rutgers."

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