Visualize and attack is still alive as we find ourselves facing the tallest of tall tasks to start out the year. It's nice to know our opponent. But not just the measurables and accolades Alabama has earned, because that would be demoralizing. We need to make them appear beatable or find reasons to laugh if we have any hopes of winning. And a cartoon-ish replacement of their true selves along with some Mortal Kombat finishing moves is the best way to do that. To start off, here's a preview of the Tide offensive line.
Left Tackle - Sophomore Brandon Greene worked out with the tight ends in 2013 because everyone needs a 300 pound tight end, right? Well, thankfully he isn't doing that anymore. He does have competition and the possibility is real that he will be ousted by incoming freshman Cam Robinson. If Robinson were to win the battle, he would be the first true freshman to start at left tackle for Alabama. When you stop and think about it, that's really saying something when you consider the talent that flows through Tuscaloosa.
The scary thing is that in short yardage situations it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibilities to have Robinson at tackle and Greene at tight end. The duo's finishing move: The Beef-Cake, which is summed up nicely by the scene of the kids playing rugby againstin The Meaning Of Life.
Left Guard - Arie Kouandjio is a fifth year senior, 2 year letterman, returning starter, and member of the 6-5 315 pound club. He once blocked a man from the Shoney's buffet and screamed, "None shall pass!" Lane Kiffin reeled back and clapped a couple coconut shells together randomly.
His strengths are everything, really. He has the size to run you over and the experience to let you run yourself out of the play. His finishing move, the Gut Buster is a combination between a chest bump and a double ear slap. Saban lets him practice on Scout.com writers that get too close to new recruits.
Center - Ryan Kelly, has been added to the Rimington Trophy watch list recently. At 6-5 and 288, he's not the biggest guy one the line. Don't be fooled, though. That just means that he's really good and doesn't need the extra weight. It's easy to see why people don't like him.
Being from Ohio, he knows all about driving under the speed limit in the passing lane. So of course his finishing move is the Sleeper. Not the one from pro wrestling. His slender build and aw shucks smile lull his opponents into a false sense of security. Then he strikes and leaves then wondering what just happened. It's not really fair. The one guy that isn't all that big on their line needs to be bad, right? Isn't that a rule or something?
Right Guard - Leon Brown could be the starter here, or he might not. Everywhere I go, someone has someone else tabbed to start at right guard. And with Lane Kiffin coordinating the offense, he might just be planning on going with a four man line. You just don't know.
Rightly so, the finishing move for this position is the Unknown Enigma. There might be someone there on August 30th or there might not. It's a fine line between clever and stupid and Kiffin has shown in the past that he's not afraid to walk that razor's edge.
Right Tackle - Austin Shepherd might be the closest thing to Grizzly Adams we've seen in a while. Sure, our mascot shot and killed a bear with his musket. But this guy looks like he could beat a bear at wrestling.
Shepherd isn't a fast man, but when you walk into his wheelhouse you might not walk out. For instance, his finishing move: The Lazy Tater, is basically him falling and laying on top of you until the play is over.
So there's that. We beat these five (or four) guys at the point of attack and don't let them get their hands on us, we win. If not, it's going to be a long day.