The guys over at Black Heart Gold Pants did a fun post the other day comparing the Big 10 coaches to a flavor of ice cream. We don't want to completely rip them off. But the post did inspire the idea of what would happen if the Big 12 coaches formed a book club.We think that meeting would go a little something like this.
Bob Stoops - Exposing the SEC Myth
Hey guys, I got a great book this spring. Don't know if you heard about it, but it's right in line with my point of view about the SEC. (Gary Patterson makes wanking gesture) Look Patterson, you don't stick out of the ground high enough yet. Sit still and show some respect. (Art Briles makes wanking gesture followed by Holgorsen, Kingsbury, and Gundy) Screw you guys! Charlie, what do you got?
Charlie Weis - Never Say Diet Cook Book
I don't know if you guys know it, but I have a bit of a weight problem. Anyway, I found this gem by Richard Simmons. (Holgorsen and Kingsbury blow snot bubbles)Look, I'm being real here. It's a problem for some guys and I want to...can someone wake up coach Snyder?
Snyder: "I am awake Charles."
Oh, I'm sorry. You just looked...uh...Hey Dana, what book did you bring?
Dana Holgorsen - How to Pick Up Trashy Women
(Holgorsen doesn't say anything. Just looks at book then the group and giggles. Then looks at Rhoads)
Paul Rhoads - Hells Angels
Hello Chaps. I stumbled upon a delightful adventure written by one Hunter S. Thompson. Apparently a doctor of Gonzo Journalism. If you share my love of the Vincent Black Shadow and the shady underbelly of this land we call America, I would highly recommend it.
Stoops: "Why are you talking like some uppity English guy?"
Oh, I see you've fallen prey to my ruse. Over the years, I've pretended to be an animated ruffian of ill repute. But in fact, I graduated from Oxford and have been doing research for the last 20 years...
Stoops: "Okay, you just shut your mouth and we'll move on to what Mack has to offer."
Mack Brown - Who Stole My Mojo?
Hello men. I have to say, I'm a bit out of sorts after reading this dang book. I thought it would be funny like all the movies. But it wasn't.
That's it. End of story. I'm quitting this dang book club. Nothing but a bunch of grab-ass horse crap if you ask me.
Stoops: "Come on, coach....Well Kliff, what do you have for us?"
Kliff Kingsbury - Smack That Ass
You all know how I like to smack an ass, right?
(Holgorsen, Gundy, Patterson, and Briles look over his shoulder and nod approvingly)
Stoops: "GUYS!!! I was hoping we could all bring a book with words in it. You know? Aw eff it! You got anything interesting, Gundy?"
Mike Gundy - How to Lose Friends and Infuriate People
My book was very informative and it helped me decide which schools I didn't want Wes Lunt to go to.
Stoops: "Yeah, that one made you look like a real jerk. You should probably burn it and never think of it again. Actually, on second thought, keep it up. I don't know about anyone else, but my recruiting is going great since you pulled that."
Bill Snyder -
You young men may not believe it. But we did have books when I was a kid.
Stoops: "Any good ones?"
Stoops: "Do you want to give us some titles?"
Stoops: "Briles...Patterson...either one of you have anything for us?"
Art Briles and Gary Patterson
We didn't read anything. We've just been driving around the state photobombing each others pictures. This one is from Paris, TX. Get it?