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We all know Matthew McConaughey. We all hate Matthew McConaughey. Or at least we should. This week, he's reason 656 to root for the Mountaineers as they travel to Austin to take on the Texas Longhorns.
What is it about Matthew McConaughey? For some reason, women find him attractive. Why? I have no earthly idea. His hair is greasy. He's short. He reportedly refuses to wear deodorant. And he's terrible at his job.
Oh, and he's from Texas. He went to Texas and majored in communications, probably because he wasn't smart enough to get into a real program there (not that it takes much). And how he's a giant douchebag Longhorns fanboy who gets sideline passes in a misguided attempt to hook (get it?) more female viewers. Pathetic, Texas.
Well, Texas, don't think your little ruse is going to work on us. We've seen his movies, usually against our will. A Time to Kill. Magic Mike. The Wedding Planner. Failure to Launch. All awful movies, all with Matthew McConaughey in them. Coincidence? I think not. Oh, and We Are Marshall. Yeah, we saw that one too. We may have cried at the end, but we saw it. Heck, we may have liked it. But that's because it's a compelling story, not because it's about our little brother school. And certainly not because it stars Matthew McConaughey.
Having seen his movies and adjudged him to be a terrible actor with even worse personal hygiene, we aren't going to fall for your little trap of tuning in to FOX Saturday night just to catch a glimpse of him. No, we're going to tune in to see Gus Johnson's head literally explode from calling so many Geno Smith touchdown passes (just like in the commercial, actually). And we're not going to root for Texas, either. Not that we needed another reason to root for WVU, there are plenty of those. But just out of principle. Because Matthew McConaughey sucks, and his alma mater sucks too.