Bill Stewart Gets A Contract Extension

Scene: Deep inside the secret bunker located below the Puskar Center, Coach Bill Stewart and Equipment Manager Dan Nehlen meet again, just as they have here and here.

Dandy Dan, I'm glad you're here. I have great news!

Sir, we're on a two game losing streak and last in the Big East Conference, by far the worst major conference in the country. Also, according to an NBC Sports poll, your seat is the hottest in all of college football. How could you possibly have good news?

I just do. Ask me what it is!

OK, what is it?

I GOT AN EXTENSION!

What?

AND A HUGE RAISE!

Umm, I'll say it again: what?

AND A HELICOPTER!

Sir, please explain to me how all this happened.

Oliver Luck came into my office, offered me an extension, and we signed the contracts.

Frankly, and with all due respect, I have trouble believing the new athletic director who is already cleaning house around the department would offer you an extension, not to mention a raise.

Well, it happened. Believe it, Dan.

Prove it.

OK, well, here's Oliver Luck himself to tell you.

Hi, Mr. Luck, it's Dan Nehlen, pleasure to finally meet....wait a second...

Why, hello Dan.

Coach Stewart, is that just you in disguise?

No, it's me, Oliver Luck.

And why did you choose a Mrs. Doubtfire disguise again?

It's not Mrs. Doubtfire, it's me, Oliver Luck. Though Mrs. Doubtfire is a wonderful movie.

Then why are you dressed like a woman and speaking in a terrible British accent?

Tooodalooooo!

OK, this is ridiculous.

My chap, Bill Stewart will reign over Morgantown like The Tudors over great London in the 16th century.

Listen, using arcane English history isn't going to convince me of anything. And Oliver Luck isn't British! Or a woman!

If my words and jolly disposition won't convince you, then maybe this signed contract will convince you rightly.

This is a Denny's menu.

On the back, chap.

OK, it's written in crayon. And may I remind you it's still on the back of a Denny's menu.

But it's signed by Oliver Luck.

Yes, it is, signed "Olivur Luk." Well done, sir.

Thank you, Dan. Now where is my helicopter?

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