Why do Tennessee players get to have all the fun? While Lane Kiffin is setting up ESPN cameo's for his recruits before they even step on campus and generally facilitating a mardi gras atmosphere in Knoxville, Alabama is telling its players they aren't allowed to go fishing, or even to make friends. In fact, just today, the Bammers instructed a 56-year-old Curtis Anderson that he is to have no further contact with star players Julio Jones and Mark Ingram after it was discovered that Anderson had paid for Jones and Ingram to accompany him on a fishing expedition near his Gulf Shores vacation home. Although Bama reported no violations, something seems um, fishy.
"The university is aware of Mr. Anderson, and has taken appropriate steps," said Alabama spokeswoman Deborah M. Lane. "Mr. Anderson is not affiliated with UA. He is not a UA booster, fan or alumnus, and is not a UA season ticket holder. In fact, Mr. Anderson told us that all of his family are fans of another SEC school."
Another SEC school? You don't say! What ever school could that be? Perhaps the one located in Auburn, Alabama? That just seems too obvious, though. Either Mr. Anderson . . . let's call him Curtis, I just finished watching the Matrix: Reloaded on TNT and I can't get Agent Smith's voice out of my head . . . Curtis is an exceedingly intelligent Auburn fan with an enormous bankroll, or Ms. Lane really means "We are aware of Mr. Anderson and have taken out a small loan to repay him for this venture and front him for next spring's jet ski rides." Having met a few Auburn fans last year in Morgantown, odds are it's the latter.
The 56-year-old Anderson said he's not a football fan and denied initially even knowing that Jones and Ingram played football.
"When I was told, 'This is Julio Jones,' I said, 'Whoopty-do,"' Anderson told The Birmingham News. "I had no idea who Julio Jones was. I've got my right hand on this Bible. I swear to Jesus Christ, I had no idea who Julio Jones and Mark Ingram were when I met them and they became friends of mine.
Why yes, when I'm 56 and independently wealthy, I too plan to make friends with young, athletic-looking,
coeds college-age males and pay for them to come with me on fishing trips at my beachside condo. Seems perfectly normal. In fact, my new buddies Jonathan Baldwin and Bill Stull are accompanying me to the Hamptons for New Year's. They said they probably won't be busy around that time of year, anyway.
"(Julio) never went fishing with any Alabama booster. We're not that crazy," Sam Jones, Julio's uncle, told the Mobile Press-Register.
Funny, Reggie Bush's family said something similar when their agent bought them a house in LA.