Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch Syracuse and Northwestern Play "Football"
by Dr. Charley West on Aug 25, 2008 12:00 PM EDT
in Good Lord I Hate Your Program
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Syracuse and Northwestern open their respective seasons this Saturday, playing a game that could end the very existence of college football. Here is a list of things I would rather do than watch that game, as if the post title wasn't descriptive enough:
- Have sex with the girl on the right.
- Colonoscopy.
- Help Rich Rodriguez move.
- Accept Dave Wannstedt's invitation for a mustache ride.
- Watch Ohio @ Wyoming.
- Actually care what MGoBlog has to say about Mountaineer football.
- Extra colonoscopy, just for fun.
- Naked pillow fight with Pam Ward.
- Let Pat McAfee kick me in the nuts.
- Watch Illinois State @ Marshall.
- Drive Rich Rodriguez to the airport.
- Intentionally expose myself to harmful carcinogens (though, it could be argued that Syracuse vs. Northwestern is a harmful carcinogen).
- Not have sex with Erin Andrews.
- Watch James Madison @ Duke.
- Water Rich Rodriguez's plants while he's on the road.
- Third colonoscopy, this time without any anesthetic.
- Enroll in classes at Pitt.
- Dry hump a 2x4 full of splinters.
- Commit seppuku, a Japanese form of ritualistic suicide by disembowelment.
- Attend a NAMBLA meeting.
- Poke my own eye out with my 1998 Insight Bowl commemorative lapel pin.
- Masturbate to Brazilian fart porn.
Please, feel free to add your own in the comments.
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The girl on the right is none other than News Channel 5 – Clarksburg’s Sports Reporter Sam Lordi, main squeeze of BlueGoldNews’ Chris Richardson.
by The 25314 on Aug 25, 2008 12:53 PM EDT reply actions
This post just got significantly more awkward, didn’t it?
“Big gulps, huh? Alright! … Well, see ya’ later!”
by Charley West on Aug 25, 2008 1:02 PM EDT reply actions
Yes…yes it did.
But even more hilarious, for sure.
by Barry on Aug 25, 2008 1:20 PM EDT reply actions
I’ll have sex with the girl on the right.
She looks like a former gymnast or cheerleader to me.
by sg44gold on Aug 25, 2008 2:25 PM EDT reply actions
and to add to the list:
- Go shopping at the Kanawha mall.
- Stop at the Cross Lanes exit for anything other than gambling.
- Stop in Fairmont and not take a crap somewhere.
- Eat at the Ponderosa by the Hospital Downtown.
by chuckzub on Aug 25, 2008 4:06 PM EDT reply actions
Ha! ….Yes…yes it did.
But even more hilarious, for sure.
by 2000Grad on Aug 25, 2008 7:40 PM EDT reply actions
I would like to add one too.
Ride in the passenger seat with a driver from Ohio on the interstate
or Jersey…..
by Rich on Aug 25, 2008 9:34 PM EDT reply actions
Charley please don’t poke your eyes out . . we are depending on you to drive us around in our old age . . .
by Charley's Mom and Dad on Aug 25, 2008 10:35 PM EDT reply actions
References to horrible Ohio drivers, the Kanawha Mall, and the wicked witch’s ugly sister all in the same post, I love this site. The only thing missing is sitting on Dickie V’s lap while he tells you all about Duke Basketball.
by EerinCougland on Aug 25, 2008 10:39 PM EDT reply actions
Even I am creeped out by the “siting on Dickie V’s lap” comment.
And I’d have sex with the girl on the right.
by sg44gold on Aug 26, 2008 12:16 PM EDT reply actions
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