The Wilner Clusterf--k

That's the only title I can give to pollster/addict Jon Wilner's continuing ballot catastrophe. Each week, he manages to mangle his top 25 to offend me in a different way. It's actually quite impressive. This skill has convinced me that Jon Wilner is either a Jedi or a high school dropout. Either way, I don't understand him.

Here is the latest masterpiece:

1. LSU
2. Oklahoma
3. Oregon

Three very good football teams. Also, three football teams who have lost a game this season. If you're putting together a poll like this, you're essentially telling me you don't give two shits about the actual games. You're just making a completely arbitrary judgment on which team you think is best. There HAS to be some way to prove yourself during the season. Could it be, I don't know, win all your games?

4. Boston College
5. Ohio State

Hey, look what I found here: undefeated teams!

6. Missouri

Just garbage.

7. South Florida

One ranking I agree with. But I would never tell Jon that, just because if I ever did, he'd think we were best friends and buy a tandem-bicycle. I have a hard enough time getting laid without a tandem-bike, thank you very much.

8. Florida
9. Kansas
10. Kentucky

2-loss team, undefeated team, 2-loss team. Does this make any sense? When little children ask me why their parents got divorced, I always tell them, "because of Jon Wilner." I haven't seen any benefits yet, but one of those little rugrats will eventually grow up, hunt this guy down, and shoot him. You got to plant that seed and watch it grow.

11. West Virginia

Sigh. Wilner is slowly extinguishing my will to live. Luckily, every once in awhile, there's a story about a girl getting fingered at a football game and my life is reborn, but in that meantime, it's tough.